Well, moving applies in so many ways right now......

 

I've found an apartment, I'm in the process of moving in.....I think I've got pretty much everything I need.....it's been humbling and awe inspiring to see the generousity of friends and family.

 

I had to do some plastering and painting in the apartment, really I could have painted the whole place, as it is though I only got to do the kidlets bedroom and playroom and the hallway.....I'm not buying paint and there was only enough to do that much so far. I feel confident the landlord will cough up for the rest that I need. Painting kidlets room was cathartic for me.....I had a couple of lightbulb moments tied to it. Main one was the realization that decorating a room for her is something I have wanted to do for a long time, but was never able to......which had there been a good reason I could live with, however, there was no good reason.

 

I also realized this week that the freedom of having my own space is going to be a fabulous thing......especially as it is my own space, I don't have anyone to answer to other than me and my kidlet......and I know how happy she is to have this pretty room she knows mama spent lots of time getting ready for her....even the idea she is getting a playroom for her is incredible.  She's so proud of her mama, which gives me a real sense of pride, which is something that was stripped from me for so long.

 

I'm still a bit shell shocked though and have found that others can see it in me......I can only imagine how people must have percieved me in oiltown, I'm not near as shell shocked now as I was then. Well maybe I have been for the last couple weeks, I got some shocking news that I'm still trying to figure out.....the news and the events afterwards just aren't meshing. Sometimes life is very strange. I think the thing that is killing me most about the news is the way some people can fall into the biggest pile of shit and still come up smelling pretty good......why is it that some people never seem to have to face any real consequences? I'm gonna change that, mark my words. Being able to impose consequence will be equivilant to the closure I have thus far been denied.

 

Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug......right now I feel like the bug....I'm working on being the windshield.

 

I had a blind date this week.....first time I've ever done that.....seems a nice enough guy, but I'm not really ready to move on as yet. I've realized I am ready in some ways, but.....well.....those are things that I can either live without, take care of myself or...well, I am female and it's never too hard to find some relief when you're a chick! lol......doesn't hurt to have a good rack either, as I was reminded by a friend last week......damn I wish I had known he was so entranced by 'the girls' back in april........sigh.....funny how you miss things when you are in the state I was/am.

 

I'm still persuing some meetings, still trying to get the help I need to get all my ducks in a row.....somedays it feels like I'm getting somewhere with it, others feel like I'm in the middle of a HUGE waste of my time.

 

 

It's my time though.......

 

guess it'll just take what it takes......

 

yep....

 

 

More crazy ramblings from the island girl.......Did you really expect anything different though?

 

hehe....

 

I know you didn't, but I had to ask!

 

Have a great one.....

 

I am!